urboyblue Funny Status Messages

   Why do women like men who are smart, goal oriented and have a sense of humor?? Because opposites attract!!

   Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee....today is my birthday and I am 70!!

   I'm wearing my pants today at half mast....are you??

   If the world doesn't end on Dec 21 2012....I have a feeling that there will be alot of babies born on Sept 20th 2013!!

   Like if the T Mobile commercial gets your attention because you thought you heard "Walking in an Orgy Wonderland"!! Gets me every time!!

   If you hold a woman up to your ear and wait til the screaming stops....you can faintly hear her tell you she wants money, house, cars and fine jewelry!!

   Wish they had a NuvaRing that would fit in a woman's mouth!! Then we could take it out when we wanted to talk!!

   All you damn people inviting me to Castleville get on Battlefield 3 so I can knife you!!

   God looked at Adam when Eve fell into the ocean and asked: "How am I gonna get that smell out of those fish??"

   "Leave It To Beaver" is what I am calling it...it's a club for distraught men that have a hard time dealing with women!!

   Now that Black Friday is over, wonder if Mexican Saturday means things are free??

   Black Friday is all the companies telling you they could sell their products at these prices everyday of the year....kinda reminding of us of how stupid we are and how greedy they are!!

   Conrad Murray convicted of killing a pedophile and we cheer at the verdict?? I bet Dexter Morgan is pleased even tho he didn't get to make a trip to Neverland Ranch!!

   Wonder if all the fake Facebooker's will be real on Halloween and tell us how their life is really going??

   OK...if you're a fish, do you have to wait 30 mins to swim after you eat??

   When someone ends their posts with "just sayin" I would love to smack the sh!t out of them and poke their eyeballs out with an ice pick....other than that I am having a great day!!

   If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher!!

   The first time I saw my ex in a thong I had to pay a cover charge....to see that same thong on her today, I would have to pay a surgeon!!

   After seeing Nancy Grace's nipple slip on Dancing With The Stars....I must say I will never eat bologna again!! Thanks alot Nancy!!

   An average person thinks he isn't!!