minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   So I just Googled the Ten Commandments.... Wow, I am so screwed......

   Got kicked out of another restaurant this afternoon for breast feeding. Hey - when my husband wants titty, he wants titty.....

   I have mixed drinks about feelings..

   Actually, my ancestors are from the County just down the road from County Cork. Perhaps you've heard of County Screw Top?

   May the beer rise up to meet you and may your bar tab be picked up by someone else, and may the hangover be far from you. Happy St. Paddy's Day!

   I think I might have had a wee bit too much green beer last night. I woke up this morning next to Paddy O’Furniture.

   If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.

   Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn't have to end at work.

   Why in the heck are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?

   Anyone else having trouble with these nicotine patches? Mine melt as soon as I light them.

   I won employee of the month!!!.... again! I love being self employed.

   This complimentary lemonade at the doctor's office tastes funny.

   Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, that biotch still owes me money from when I was 6.

   Daylight Savings Time means I’ll be hungover one hour less than usual this Sunday.

   Well, today I found out that they don't like you to wear roller skates in the mall! Or maybe they were mad cuz I didn't have pants on.....not sure which one.

   This job fair sucks... They don't have one ride...

   Screw Daylight Savings Time. Losing an hour on the weekend means we're one hour closer to Monday. Dammit.

   Busy planning my next big move. Do I lay on couch, or chill in the recliner? I've only got one shot at this, so I gotta make it count.

   First rule of ADHD club: Never talk about..Nice hat! You ever own a hamster? I did. Lost him in the dryer. Do you like dachshunds? Watch me do a cartwheel! Okay, who wants brownies?

   Where do we cash out these Likes? I need gas money, and by gas money I mean booze.