ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. I couldn't help but think, it would work much better on the front.

   ♫♫♫ If.. yourrrr happy and you know it share you meds. (clap, clap) If your happy and you know it share you meds. (clap, clap) If your happy and you know it then a pi$$ test will clearly show it. If your happy and you know it share you meds. ♫♫â

   So you wonder why I never seem to get any sleep. Well I never go to bed angry. I stay up and plot my revenge. So ask yourself something, do I hate alot of people or is one person really going to get it. Now your wondering if its you.

   as pissed off as being in the express checkout land behind an old laldy, with too many items, using coupons for every item, and with a new clerk calling for a price check.

   The smoke smell you might have been smelling today was from Minnesota Viking fans burning their Brett Farve jerseys.

   My life is like this. I need a spoon but the only thing they offer are chopsticks.

   Would like like to thank all the women that lowered their standards and went out with me on a date.

   New game. We go out and get like 20 Tazers and play Tazer tag.

   Can we name the next hurricane Shaniqua or something? I feel like if we give hurricanes ghetto names, people will be more inclined to get away from them. Hurricane Irene sounds friendly. Hurricane Shaniqua will rip out your weave if you look at it wrong.

   The only time I have a drinking problem is when I have to close my tab at the end of the night.

   Just an FYI no one wants to date a b1tch even if your good looking.

   I almost forgot what is was like to have a GF until the gps unit would not STFU when I pulled off the freeway to get more gas in the car.

   You can tell you have been on the road too long when you pull out the key fob that opens up your car doors and keep hitting the button trying to open the front door to the house.

   People who don't know what they want should not use the drive thru!

   "Women are like cell phones, they love to be held, they love to be talked to, but if you push the wrong button, you'll be disconnected,"!

   Wishing my dog had a snooze button!!

   If you eat smores with a knife and fork you have no soul.

   You know what they say "Home is where you hang your enemies head."

   Apparently if you have my good looks and go to a nude beach everyone gets jealous and they make you put your clothing back on.

   Getting some cans of gas to make this years homemade fireworks show more entertaining.