Truman Funny Status Messages

   The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements, which included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later?

   I've started visiting orgies dressed as a Ninja-Turtle! I'm really coming out of my shell these days!

   Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!

   it just me, or is anyone else finding it difficult to log on to dyslexics.moc?

   I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!

   I bet kangaroos get tired of holding all of their friend's keys and phones while they're at the beach?

   My Girlfriend says our sex-life is so bad because I get so easily distracted? Ah well!..back to it I suppose!

   First rule of Fight Club: Never hold it at a Saudi Arabian Embassy!

   I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by, "that's him officer"

   Life consists of avoiding people you have seen naked, while trying to find new people to see naked?

   I hope aliens don't land in the next few years, because this is a really embarrassing time for humanity!

   I made my wife a Caesar salad last night! The dog was really pissed off though as it was his last tin!

   Guys, prove you're not a rapist by giving large sums of money to random women!

   I, put commas, in, weird places, so that you, read my jokes, like, William Shatner!

   "Damn, this is going to get ugly" I thought, as my wife removed her makeup!

   People are strange? Last night the bloke in the next toilet stall to me started playing with himself? It put me right off my sandwich!

   In 5 years there will be no such thing as a baby gender - scan? You'll have to wait until it's 10 years old for it to tell you if it's a boy or a girl!

   I'm pretty certain I'll never be a serial killer, since I don't have a middle name!

   My piano playing must be improving, as my neighbours have broken all my windows so they can hear me better!!

   Would it be legal to have a VERY loud duck-call in place of the more conventional car-horn..if it was operated in the same way?