Tim Funny Status Messages

   wonders if suacide bombers text. "BRB ... J/K! I won't BRB." Or, "TTFN SYIHW72V" = ta ta for now, see you in heaven with 72 virgins.

   wonders if there are gay terrorists. "Hey, Mr. Embassy man... two snaps ka-boom!"

   wonders if there are gay terrorists. I bet they'd wear fancy explosive underwear.

   has a thing going with X's wife. Wait... all this third person stuff has X and me confused!

   thinks you're his smartest and best-looking friend on Facebook. (Thanks for not telling the others.)

   living each day as if it were his last: That Korean massage parlor is on to him though. They stopped giving him dying-day happy-ending discounts.

   living each day as if it were his last: The cashier at Krispy Kreame knows him by name.

   | That whale grabbed the trainer by the ponytail and took her under. That is why that advice to, "remember when working with seafood, to always wear a hair net" is so important.

   heard some folks trying to change the name of Killer Whale to something less threatening. Sea World, Killer Whale was quoted as saying, "I'm back baby!"

   and always will be the man (most of you have to grow some before using this)

   Some stuff gets better with age, other stuff feels the effects of gravity.

   just saw a Prius with that brake problem. It was barreling down the road at speeds exceeding 35 MPH.

   doesn't think you should put the pedal to the medal in that Toyota.

   Fripple - adj. Cold enough to freeze nipples. (etymology: combination of the words frozen and nipple) Ex. It is fripple cold outside,

   • Do you know one good thing about Monday? ...I can't think of anything either. OK Monday, here I come.

   shocked by the attempted plane bombing. After all those emails about lotteries and wealthy strangers who want to transfer hundreds of thousands to my account, he thought we could trust the Nigerians.

   ... so the failed bomb was sewn to the inside of his underpants? How does that impact his hope of 72 virgins? Just imagine his expression as they stomped out the fire. :O

   thinking about an Apple sporting goods store: iBalls

   What's on my mind? Let's peer inside and listen... "Meow, meow, meow, meow..." Wow! That was akward. 

   wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member.