Sarah Funny Status Messages

   I am woman, hear me give you the silent treatment.

   I'd let you hold my boob before I'd let you hold my cell phone.

   This misfiring soap dispenser reminds me of you!

   If I bend over for any reason and you don't immediately come behind and air hump me, you're not my kinda guy.

   My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don't exist. He's busy vacuuming now.

   If I had a d ick I'd definitely get it stuck in something it wasn't supposed to be in by the end of the first day.

   Just because you're in a committed relationship, doesn't mean you can't have friends of the opposite sex.

   Why hasn't Sears made a riding vacuum cleaner?

   Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

   Don't call me sugar, call me Splenda. I'm artificially sweet.

   They say the grass is greener on the other side, but have you ever flipped it over?