MC Fazzerino Funny Status Messages

   Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein's forehead would have been far less noticeable.

   Um...Food Network? Um, could you have a program that shows folks how to make fried chicken, meat loaf, mashed potatoes and things like that? Some of us don't like Duck's A$$ in Radicchio and Lobster Nutsack Glaze.

   High School Reunions: Trying to replicate that which was never so great to begin with.

   Women: The prettiest flowers in God's garden.

   Spooning...the precursor to forking.

   So I'm flying to England and the flight attendant asks me if I want dinner. I asked her what my choices were. She said, "Yes or no."

   A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All lawyers are a$$holes." Another guy stands up and says "Hey...I resent that..." The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" The second guy says, "No. I'm an a$$hole."

   I know some folks who could use a 12 step program. Where 11 of those steps should be to the edge of a cliff.

   Being single sucks. The only thing I get to do is whatever I want.

   Lady GaGa just signed a deal with a major corporation to represent her new clothing line. Hillshire Farms.

   "How To Win Friends And Influence People On Facebook" Post pictures of dogs and cats.

   All these facebook game requests and not one from a hot chick for N@ked Twister.

   Look..I'm not trying to be difficult...it actually comes easy to me.

   Whenever I attend a wedding, to truly celebrate the anticipated short duration of the marriage, I throw Minute Rice.