John Y Funny Status Messages

   Now that the 4th of July has come and gone, who's Right's, Belief's, or Heritage should we isht on this week?

   I drink a shot of whiskey a day as a toast to the great life I've lived. I finish the bottle for other reasons.

   Do these boxers, this bag of chips, and couch make me look single?

   Bruce Jenner can transition into whatever he/she wants to. All I ask is that his stepdaughters are transitioned into the bird $hi+ on my windshield, because I just got a fresh gallon of washer fluid.

   Treating others the way you what them to treat you is a great way to live your life. It may also quite possibly be sexual harassment...

   With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.

   Pants up don't loot!!!

   I'm sure they'll recap the first round of this season of "Riots" on your local news channel in case you missed its premier.

   Ahh Brunch, the Sunday activity that makes drinking before noon socially acceptable.

   You probably shouldn't call me lazy until you've taken a few steps in my sandals.

   Aaron Hernandez went from getting 40 million as a tight end, to needing two packs of smokes for a tight end.

   Yes a few rounds being dumped into your back is above and beyond excessive force. And murder. But once again, it's very simple, if you comply, you don't die... Pants Up Don't Loot!!!

   You know that the Pot used to call the Kettle something much worse right?

   St. Patrick's Day Tip: Remember to switch your regular toilet paper roll out with a green roll tonight...You'll thank me tomorrow.

   If being single ever gets you down, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then go do anything you want to do.

   Liking your own Facebook status is kind of like high fiving yourself after a fap. Please stop it!

   I just found some old "coupons" I got from an ex for a birthday. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?

   K-WHEN, because everyone already knows why.

   You should learn from the past, live for today, and look forward to tomorrow... I'm gonna take a nap!

   If you hold up a Shell and listen, you should hear the clerk tell you that he doesn't want any trouble.