Jeremycakes Funny Status Messages

   WARNING: If you get a message from somebody and it has the subject title "Link to Ashley Simpson videos", DON'T OPEN IT! It's not a virus or anything, but her music is terrible.

   jI just finished installing a flux compacitor in my DeLorean and I'm heading back in time to prevent the band Hanson from releasing the song "Mmmm Bop"! I need to stop that atrocity from ever happening!

   I tried to join the X Men, but they turned me down. Apparently they don't consider being able to burp out the theme song from Family guy to be a real superpower

   Charlie Sheen appears to be the real life Glen Quagmire. Giggity!

   A little advie: Never EVER buy sushi from the home shopping network.

   The only appropriate time to yell out "I HAVE DIARRHEA!", is when you're playing scrabble. Because it's worth a whole load of points.

   Hey Lady gaga! Madonna called, she wants her style back.

   Chevy Chase has been getting that Christmas tree for over 20 years. You'ld think he would finally remember a saw.

   It's been almost a year, and just for the record, you're STILL lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.

   Considering the number of paternity tests Maury Povich has on his show, I think he should change the shows name from " The Maury Povich show" to "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?".

   Hi this is Bob barker encouraging yoiu to help stop the spread of crappy music. Have your Beiber spayed or neutered.

   Just had a fight with my toaster it wouldn't let go of my Eggo..R.I.P dear toaster you should have let go of the fricken Eggo

   The pe*is has it rough! his hair is always a mess. His family is nuts. And his neighbor is a a$$hole.

   I think Dora the explorer is on drugs! She never seems to know where to go next and spends all day talking to a map, a backpack and a monkey.

   In America they call it Survivor, in Canada we call it camping.

   There's a new soft drink which contains Viagra instead of Caffeine. It's called mount-n-do.

   I finally got around to reading the story of the headless horseman.Up until now I always thought the story was about a horse rider that couldn't get a erection.

   My wife was mad because I wouldn't ask for directions even though we were lost. So she makes me pull over and she says to a guy "Please tell my husband where we are.And say it slow so even he'll understand." Then the guy says " BURRR GERRR KIIIING!"

   My kid won't listen and my wife won't shut up! Bye bye Sanity. It was nice knowing you.

   gathering Kardashians to throw at you.