Jeff Funny Status Messages

   Beep...Beep...Beep....Would it be too much to ask for a smoke alarm to warn me of a low battery when the sun is actually up?! Beep...Beep...Beep....

   I was a little disappointed in my morning.. the crayon said peach.. but it sure didn't taste like peach!

   Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.

   Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.

   Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!

   Brett Favre told the Vikings he is retiring today, but also said he will sign his new contract by Friday.

   my girlfriend just started smoking. Should I slow down and use a lubricant?

   Of all great losses in life, Time is the most irrecoverable. It can never be redeemed.

   Go to Google, type in "world cup 2010", look at the bottom of the page. Gooooooaaaaaaal!

   Your luck is so bad, that if I put a bucket of pu*sy in front of you, you would reach in pull out an a**hole!!

   Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!

   saw a billboard sign that said: NEED HELP, CALL JESUS 1-800-555-3787 Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

   This other dude at a store just asked me if tulips were annuals or perrinials. I should probably change out of this pink shirt.

   if you are 17, and still dressing up and coming to my house for Halloween, you sure as hell better say "Trick or Treat" and "Thank You" like the little kids do.