Jake Funny Status Messages

   Bad decision: Saying come in to a Jehovah Witness at your door.

   Husbands calm down are two words you should never say to your wife.

   Wives if your husband says something and you're not around to hear it is he still wrong?

   Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

   Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.

   My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.

   Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.

   My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.

   In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.

   Woman are the only creatures to defly the laws of gravity. The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

   Texbook: a tex message that way too long.

   Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn't make you a TV star.

   The two things a wife can do to make her husband happy. Pack her bags and leave.

   They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.

   The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.

   At my wedding the minister asked me: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? I said I do. He turn and look at her then back at me and said are you sure?

   Men.... Try role reversal in bed with your wife. And you have the headache for once.

   You know you're getting old when you use the word "thingy" because you can't remember what things are called.

   What blood type does a pessimists have? ...... B negative.

   Do you know the two words that can wreck a man's life? ...... I do.