Hot Tea Funny Status Messages

   What do you think it means if there's no fortune in your cookie?

   suffers occasional delusions of adequacy.

   Am I the only one that thinks it's creepy for women to call their men "Daddy"?

   I needed to find a donut shop. I didn't want to attempt to start up the GPS on my phone while driving. I followed a cop. It took 4 minutes.

   Typical Saturday Morning: Who's bed is this and where are my pants?

   in the worst pain I've ever been in!! Hit a dry spot on a Slip n' Slide.

   I never dreamed that motherhood would include telling my boys: "Don't pee on the lawn mower!"

   Dear Westboro Baptist Cult, we have a funeral you can protest. It's in Pakistan, we'll help you pack. The Patriot Guard promises to not bother you

   Happy first Sunday following the full moon that occurs on or following the Vernal Equinox!

   They should have an option that says "On the Prowl" for your Relationship Status..." Single "just isn't cutting it .

   I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at every guy on the job and saying, “This thing is broken!!!” (for us females!!! :)

   Consider the social cohesion and dignity of the Japanese people in the face of unimaginable catastrophe. Contrast that with the behavior of Americans when faced with Black Friday.

   And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"

   excited about Fat Tuesday! Not so excited about Headachey Wednesday though.

   So, I just txt'd my mom that the baby might have a black eye tomorrow. Her response? "What does the other baby look like?"

   Women have to shave our armpits. Whose idea was that? That's a concave area with a straight razor. The best I can do is a mohawk.

   "I gotta feeling... that tonight's gonna hurt the Black Eyed Peas"

   How is it my cat is only one foot tall but his azz is always at eye level?

   watched numerous horror movies without so much as a flinch, but I just crapped a brick when the toast popped up out of the toaster.

   Plan B includes margaritas.