Bobo The Chimp Funny Status Messages

   If smart phones were so smart they'd figure out a way to last longer than four hours.

   I see debt people.

   I won't say this Jack in the Box is dirty, but there's a sign in the restroom that says "Employees Must Wipe Their Asses."

   In hamster years I'm over 2000 years old. Not bad for a chain smoking sugar addict.

   Why was that Rorschach guy so obsessed with drawing pictures of my mom naked?

   I put the "fun" in insufficient funds.

   I just keyed 2+2=5 onto the hood of a Smart Car.

   "I laughed, I cried, then laughed, then cried, then laughed, then cried..." -Early reviews for 'The Bi-Polar Express'

   Does the plus sign mean Google tested positive for Facebook?

   Follow Does this Dress make me look cross-dresserish?

   I always put eggs in a ziplock bag before I crack them open in case a chicken darts out.

   I wonder if Facebook farmers have sex with their Farmville sheep, and 'like' it.

   At some point, my grandmother stopped admiring how big I was getting.

   I always use the self-checkout lane to avoid being embarrassed when my card is declined.

   A minor typo has made me realize what an adorable thing it would be to have a significant otter.

   Earlier I tapped my foot twice to a song. Sometimes the dance just bursts right out of me.

   I wash my hands so many times a day, I couldn't contract OCD even if I wanted to.

   Girl, not even the Kool-Aid man could bust through your emotional walls.

   I've been shopping for a new desk. Still can't find one with a headboard.

   As I watch this Spider walk across my floor, I wonder if his Spidey senses are telling him, he's f*cked