Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Make today ridiculously amazing!

   Let me in, Let me in, Let me in! I need to go back out again!----My Dog!

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper....The closer it gets to the end the faster it spins!!!

   Sorry I was talking while you were interupting!

   Penn State.....There's always Academics!

   There's no better feeling than proving someone wrong!

   Went for a job interview! The Boss looked over my resume' and says''For someone with absolutely no experience you sure are asking for a high salary!'' I said ''Well, Du'h...everyone knows the less you know the harder you have to work!!!''

   Before you judge me.......nmake sure you're perfect!

   Right now the United States and China are tied in total Olympic medals! Of course we trail in Gold medals because every time we win one we have to turn it over to China to pay our debt!!!

   II wish the XXX Olympics gave medals for the ''Clean and Jerk''

   I have yet to be intimidated by fancy wine lists thanks to my vast knowledge of fancy wines and my eeny, meeny, miny moe system!!!

   You know your ''OLD'' when your age is higher than the whole Womens Olympic Gymnastic Team!!!

   I was asked if I believed in Astrology! Of course my answer was no us Sagatarians are very skeptical people!!!

   I don't trust joggers! It's just a little too coincidental that they are the ones that find all the dead bodies!!!

   During the opening Olympic ceramony I thought the Chinese uniforms looked pretty good!....And the ones worn by the Chinese team weren't too bad either!!!

   Man Rule #6......Men's Olympic Swimming events are the ''Only'' I repeat ''Only'' time speedo's are allowed!!!

   Just remember whatever you put up with you end up with!

   Attorney General Eric Holder will take away all your guns!........ Mexican Drug Cartel ''That;s where I got mine!!!''

   I was outback chopping ome wood with my ''ask'' and this woman walked up and ''axed'' me a question!!!

   If you want to be successful in life just tell yourself this each morning ''I am smart. intelligent, qualified. now if a job wuld just come available I'll get it!!!''