@zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages

   Life and beer are very similar……..chill for best results.

   A cop stopped me and asked "Do you know why I followed you " so I said "because my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in Jail.....

   The world is ending tomorrow & we still don't know who let the dogs out, what is love, & Where's Waldo ,or Victoria's secret

   Can I add you on Facebook ? Cos I would like to Poke you

   There are hundreds of ways to make a woman happy and only one to make a man happy: LEAVE HIM ALONE.

   Shooting has started on a sequel to the movie Superman "Man of steel" to be titled "Balls of Steel" staring Felix Baumgartner

   What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred c*nts who don't do c*ck.

   My ex-girlfriend walked past me today and didn't even notice I was there. I must be getting better at this stalking business.

   I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist..

   Why did God create man first? So he wouldn't have to be told how to do it.

   Hey, ladies, if you look like a snake swallowed a rib cage you're too skinny.

   I like a girl that isn't afraid to jump in front of me during a robbery & say “babe, please. I got this one, you bought dinner.”