@topherjordan Funny Status Messages

   I know my limit....until I start drinking

   I see you speeding up when I'm trying to pass you. Why couldn't you go this fast when I was behind you?

   Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance! *this fb status had been approved and paid for by Alcohol

   I quit believing in reincarnation several lives ago.

   If you're home alone and wearing pants, you're doing it wrong!

   Why is that when a girl says, "I'm going to die alone," it elicits sympathetic awws, but when I say it people just nod uncomfortably...

   I wake up easy most of the time, but every now and then, I wake up hard.

   I was born at a very early age.

   There's no place like home. (to poop)

   laughing at all the lovey dovey posts today from the same people who were so miserable in the exact same relationships that they felt it news worthy enough to post how miserable, unhappy and thoroughly disgusted they were with that exact same person

   I just spelled something so badly that my autocorrect had to LOL.

   I hate arrogant people....It's like they think they're better than me...No one is better than me!

   So, are they going to place Joe Paterno's statue in the library to remind people to keep quiet?

   I can't sleep knowing that a sexy girl is horny somewhere.

   I slept like a baby last night! (I woke up crying because I was hungry)

   I think I'm going to procrastinate tomorrow......but I haven't decided.

   I'm in a Long Distance Relationship....My Girlfriend Lives in the Future!

   I was raised by two really amazing parents, so you can only imagine how much work I had to do to turn out to be this $@^#&! of a person.