@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages

   I had a great time fishing with my uncle until he looked up at me and said he's going to show me how to bone a fish.

   You can call a girl cute or hot and it's basically the same thing... I have found this rule does not apply to babies.

   I put my WELCOME mat on the inside of my house so the world doesn't seem so scary when I leave.

   Okay, I'll stop. But shouldn't I listen first, THEN collaborate?

   Woke up with the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed... at first I was afraid... I was petrified

   I woke up the other night and my entire body was soaked in urine... I was really pissed.

   I missed my 5 minute window for a Jack Kevorkian joke. Dammit... now they have all been done to death.

   Grammatically correct affirmations? Now, that is something about which I am talking.

   "I'm in!" - Flynn

   I know this sounds crazy but I totally see Jesus's face in this painting of Jesus.

   I call the toilet at work Mrs. Star Trek... because I just Shatner.

   If you guys don't start telling me when my status updates don't make sense... I'm gonna start matriculating bananas to the chimney of the coral reef.

   Ate some bad Indian food... and now I know how to pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to.

   Did you hear about the new Emo/Action film? They just cut to the chase scene.

   I have an appointment with a specialist to look into my memory problems... and apparently, it was yesterday.

   Girls who are on the same menstrual cycle as their friends should basically be referred to as gang members... that's how dangerous they are.

   Shouldn't all the parking spots at Walmart be handicapped?

   "Right." - Fred

   Can you imagine how fast those clowns who make balloon animals can roll a joint.

   Look... if you have both toilet paper and bath towels in your bathroom... I am going to assume you are giving me a choice.