Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nah I'm going to let you guys figure that out for yourselves since you all seem like smart people. I'll be waiting so come and get me pussies!

   PS. Saying it your face and doing it in person is the same thing, you redundant asshole.

   I'll gladly insult you to your face. Post your address pu$$y. (Watch... he won't. )

   Washing my wifes laundry! Does that count as making her panties wet.

   Hey moron! If you're going to insult me, next time say it to my face. And do it in person?

   When a word or action is overused and loses its impact or effectiveness, it's often referred to as 'semantic satiation.' Someone should inform the 👎idiot about this.

   Hey, Dooosh. Nice job copping my means of escaping the censors by using backwards text. Keep it up, you lame asshole.

   That Mexican Navy ship that crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge? That's what they get for shorting me a Soft Taco Supreme that time at Taco Bell.

   !ffo ssip dna rovaf a lla su oD: ereh no elpoep eht flah morf uoy rof egassem a tog I ,stnemmoc tnarongi gnikam dna ereh no gnimoc speek ohw nosrep eht oT

   I got tazed in the zoo again for telling a group of kids that an angry giraffe is called a grrraffe.

   neurosurgeon: *removes Gary Koenig brain to blow on it and put it back in*

   Calling it the Philadelphia Zoo is redundant.

   Looks like GaryKoenig is back. Afraid to use his name on the jokes that are the same and still so very lame. lame

   Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors’ house, they’re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.

   I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

   I just hate it when I buy a bag of air and there's chips in it.

   Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes? This is why I stay up at nights.

   There are approximately zero ways to chase paper in the wind without looking like the village idiot

   told my homie I was goin thru it and this mf said “go around it”

   Do you have at least 15 tattoos? – final question at interview to work in a kitchen in 2025