Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm gonna be busy scanning Craigslist for the PopeMobile.

   If you forward these idiotic chain posts and "If I get a thousand likes" posts, I automatically think you're stupid.

   I will put a comma wherever I want. If I pause,,,, you pause

   so ready for that all important holiday coming up, don't forget monday is the presidents day mattress sale

   Am I the only one that believes people without kids should get a "No-Child Tax Credit"... I mean I'm over here not overpopulating the world.. Think I deserve a lil something back for that... Yall Welcome!

   The good thing about Facebook is you can make someone disappear from your FB world by simply deleting and blocking the annoying offender. To accomplish the same thing in the real world, you have to find a remote location and take the time to dig a shallow

   Never tell a zombie that he looks like death warmed over

   whenver ur alone & need a hug, just remember....so does a cactus

   fights so dirty, he has never had makeup sex. It usually violates the restraining order.

   The Pope is resigning, citing family reasons. He wants to spend more time with the kids.

   I bet it's called "getting some strange" because you can get strange!

   I just saw pictures of my neighbor's 30 year high school reunion....Don't marry your high school sweetheart!!!

   I guess we know what the Pope is giving up for lent...being the Pope...

   "I'll retire when Whitney Houston stays sober for a year" - Pope Benedict XVI, 2012.

   Dear Vatican, Two words: POPRAH WINFREY.....think about it.

   Personally,,,,,, I'm giving up my belly button and the space between my toes..... For lint

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing people to caring guns in church. If you need a gun in church, I don't even want to hear what you believe in for a God.

   Be the sun that burns everyday and still rises everyday to give light to others.

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing guns in church. Now I have to come up with another excuse...

   be careful what you buy on Craigslist. I just bought front row seats to the Dookie Brothers concert...