Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   whenver ur alone & need a hug, just remember....so does a cactus

   fights so dirty, he has never had makeup sex. It usually violates the restraining order.

   The Pope is resigning, citing family reasons. He wants to spend more time with the kids.

   I bet it's called "getting some strange" because you can get strange!

   I just saw pictures of my neighbor's 30 year high school reunion....Don't marry your high school sweetheart!!!

   I guess we know what the Pope is giving up for lent...being the Pope...

   "I'll retire when Whitney Houston stays sober for a year" - Pope Benedict XVI, 2012.

   Dear Vatican, Two words: POPRAH WINFREY.....think about it.

   Personally,,,,,, I'm giving up my belly button and the space between my toes..... For lint

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing people to caring guns in church. If you need a gun in church, I don't even want to hear what you believe in for a God.

   Be the sun that burns everyday and still rises everyday to give light to others.

   Arkansas just passed a law allowing guns in church. Now I have to come up with another excuse...

   be careful what you buy on Craigslist. I just bought front row seats to the Dookie Brothers concert...

   Benedict XVI won't even be able to flog his hat on ebay. He's closed his papal account....

   I have abad feeling we're going to pay for Taylor Swift's poor Grammy results...

   Benedict XVI won't even be able to sell his hat on eBay. He's closed his papal account...

   If you can't handle me at my un-shaved, you don't deserve me at my waxed.

   All the people with barbwire tattoos should join together and form a border wall between US and Mexico

   The couple that laughs together, stays together. If that's not a pro-weed slogan then nothing is.

   If you cant afford a kid, then shut your legs.