Funny Status Messages

   If you SUCK at playing the Sax , that might be your problem !

   you can’t possibly embarrass me. I experienced ego death at the age of twelve when the plumber caught me making out with my alicia keys poster

   Will never understand people who look both ways before entering the traffic circle?

   I wonder if I have ever bought milk from the same cow twice?

   We'll be setting our clocks back soon. Gaining an extra hour in 2021 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album.

   Someone just gave me half of a peace sign. Weird.

   Newsflash: Jon Gruden said what most of us think.

   Capt James T Kirk just told you the world isn't flatt .

   If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbours are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.

   Someone tried to tell me I was a vampire once but I checked the mirror and just couldn’t see it!

   Who called them silk boxers and not ball gowns

   After you eat an edible there is a specific moment in time after which you may not post on Facebook.

   When you see all these luxury rich homes and ur wallet says no....I'll just gonna build a house in minecraft 😤

   Biden is opening up the borders, wow what is it that this guy can't do "wrong"

   Space, the final frontier for William Shatner who's 10-minute mission to seek out stranger new publicity for Jeff Bezoses Space Program. To boldly go where only a few million Tourist have gone before!

   I prefer to have s€x in the dark not because I'm afraid to see bodily imperfections. It's because I don't want to see her nose hairs.

   I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident

   Saying "I fell in love with a dictator" is something I will never say in my life.

   Imagine you're a NASCAR driver, your name is Brandon, and someone asks you to define the most pivotal moment of your career.

   Does anyone know when Boy Scout cookies go on sale? Thanks.