StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   I should be in Top Chef the way I Wake N Bake!

   I had 3 bowls this morning. 1 of them was cereal...

   When I watch MTV cribs I don't feel bad about downloading music illegally.

   Time heals everything... except that stupid tattoo.

   If you get sexted by someone you don't like...does that mean you got molexted?

   I've ruined so many good songs on bad memories.

   It's not you. It's me. I don't like you.

   I got gas earlier for $1.19....too bad it was from taco bell.

   Someone's been sleeping in my bed, said Papa Bear. Someone's been sleeping in MY bed, said Mama. Why don't you share a bed?! cried Baby Bear

   My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" and I sent it anyways.

   Don't you love it when your iPod is about to fall, and your earphones save it's life?

   Relationship status: DTF

   No officer I wasn't texting, that's dangerous. I was checking my Facebook.

   If the caller I.D. reads 'unavailable', then so am I.

   Don't glare at me lady! You're the one who named your kid Marco then yelled his name in this store!

   You know what's funny? Paintings of Adam & Eve where they both have belly buttons. Think about it, take all the time you need.