KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I've been knocking for ten minutes. Don't people answer their bathroom windows anymore?

   Don't tell me to make myself at home if you don't want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.

   Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can't wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie 5% - that's was a complete waste of money 85% - I gotta pee.

   High Heels are a man's invention to make it harder for a woman to run away.

   Please don't take anything I say personal or too seriously. I'm just an idiot with internet access.

   A burp is just a fart that took the elevator.

   3 Jobs that changed the world: HAND, BLOW and STEVE!

   Three Apples changed the world. The first one tempted Eve, the second inspired Newton and the third was offered to the world half eaten by Steve Jobs. RIP

   A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”

   A man asked a prostitute, “How much is one round?” The Prostitute replies,"100 on the bed, 50 on the sofa and 20 on the floor. The man gives her 100 and the Prostitute says, 'Wow a classy guy' The man replies, “classy my a$$, I want 5 times on the

   Not everyone who plays with you is on your team.

   I get offended when people assume I think and care about them.Who died and made you money?

   Its my birthday today and I am feeling so special even the supermarket doors are opening by themselves when they see me coming through.

   That uneasy moment when you realise Facebook has made more CHANGES than OBAMA.

   Love is pain, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.

   Condoms should change to different colors according to whatever disease they come in contact with.

   The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.

   Love doesn't cost a thing; except tears, a broken heart, wasted years and half your stuff.

   A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP is born when the KING of mixed signals hooks up with the QUEEN of second thoughts.

   Ladies: Never make an important decision while you're on your period.