StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead.

   Cigarettes are like hamsters. They're completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

   If cinderella's shoe really did fit perfectly, then why exactly did it fall off in the first place?

   Sex is like pizza. When's it's good it's good. When it's bad it's still pretty good.

   Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship.

   It's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't, but it's harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do.

   The leading cause of depression is reality.

   Do people who wear Tapout know that that's the name for what the loser does?

   Come on, who are you going to believe? Me or the background check?

   I bet the first gay Transformer will morph into a Prius.

   Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.

   If you cant live without me, then why aren't you dead yet?

   I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.

   I used to work in a factory crushing cans. I hated it! It was soda pressing.

   "I wasn't that drunk" Dude you threw a sock at a midget and screamed "Dobby be free!"

   That chick has been passed around more than blame.

   Dear McDonalds, if you start serving breakfast all day you will get more of my money. Sincerely, Supply and Demand.

   There is a thin line between love and hate. It starts about halfway through the joint.

   I'm guilty of singing songs that I don't know all the words to, but for that 15 seconds I do know, I own that sh*t.

   Just put together some Ikea furniture without instructions and was able to build an extra table and two shelves with the parts I left out.