Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Here's two people with scoliosis attempting to have sex - ??

   National Sarcasm Society - Like we need your support...

   I can't participate in tickle fights because I get inappropriate b0ners

   I don't want a sky full of lighters! I just want the one that fell under my driver's seat!

   My stick figure family is just a burrito, a television, and a bottle of whiskey. Do they make those stickers?

   Whatever's wrong with me, it's a pleasure.

   Nothing like falling in love with a sociopath to make you question your judgement.

   Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.

   Can't wait 'til I'm elderly so I can wear band-aids on my face without shame or explanation.

   According to D!ck Clark this new year's eve is going to be the "besjtkdksnsm newsjsjsoa evesjdddb."

   Don't worry there are plenty other fish in the sea. None as attractive as the one that just dumped you but plenty other fish!

   Feeling self conscious? Just watch me "walk" on stairs! My bad knees makes newborn giraffes look like ballerinas.

   Winter trees at sunset have the look of a lonely old man realizing there will be no visitors today.

   Luckily for me, my future cancer will go along quite nicely with my current personality.

   My skull organ no work so good this day.

   My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.

   Finally changed my mood on MySpace to "ninja" but nobody saw me do it.

   Im alittle experimental tonight and I tell ya, I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things.

   Dryer lint sure does smell a lot better than it tastes.

   I need a new refrigerator. There's no food in mine.