life Funny Status Messages
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if you're feeling down about your love life, remember that salmon swim hundreds of miles upstream to jack-off on a pile of eggs and die 
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.🐿️
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Why do so many people go out of their way to move to our country ..... then complain that they find our way of life offensive.
Life is a terminal disease, that is sexually transmitted.
Damn girl, are we in a bad western? 'Cause I wanna have an hour long showdown with you that would only take 5 minutes in real life.
Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.
There's much better things in life than alcohol but alcohol compensates for not getting them.
...... No people ... the change in governmental administrations is not a sane reason to descend into a real life "Hunger Games" in this country .... Believe it or not it has actually happened before!!
Face your life, don't Facebook your life
I've just clicked on my phone's front camera by mistake, Yoh never been this terrified in my life!!!
Life is give and take; I give and you take, probably.
While it was predictable to imagine Trump criticizing John Lewis, it's impossible to imagine him risking his life for the rights of others.
“It’s the little things in life that make you laugh,” my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets at Walmart.
Loofah sponge instructions: 1. Wet before use 2. Use once 3. Hang to dry as shower decoration for the rest of your life.
Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved.
like who in their right mind would waste good money on life insurance when you can tell your sob story on Go Fund Me and stupid people to give you money?
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life. [Search Results] [View All Messages]
