Funny Status Messages

   An obese orange man just called Putin a genius. If that doesn't seems unpatriotic to you, then nothing will.

   Nobody likes a shady beach.

   Sorry friend, but your latest post didn't gargle Zuckerberg's balls.

   When someone tells me a joke and I don't get it, I just say, "Ooh, man. Too soon."

   Music is the universal language. Humor is the universal salve.

   You might say I am a Social Influencer. Well, OK. I'm a bad influence but still....

   Well, well, well, Trump is siding with Putin once again. Lovers in a dangerous time.

   A couple bad apples in a bunch doesn't mean that the whole bunch is bad.

   I got to face the facts. My orange loser will never darken the doors of the white house ever again. Not even as a tourist.

   It is said that every day is a gift. Can I get a copy of the receipt so I can exchange it for something else?

   What if they close all the grocery stores and we have to go back to hunting for our food? I don't even know where Twinkies live...

   They say do what you do best. Stripper pole, here I come.

   Just checking to see if we're still suppose to be pissed off at who performed at the Superbowl halftime show.

   Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job... What’s so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?

   Sometimes you just have to play the role of a fool in order to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

   A farmer friend of mine is really upset today. His wife sent him a Deere John letter.

   My wife basically has two problems: Nothing to wear and not enough closet space.

   Personally, I don't believe in Bros Before Hoes or Hoes Before Bros. There needs to be a balance. Sort of a homie-hoe-stasis.

   Epstein sells girls and his bank accounts go untouched. But Canadian truckers and the My Pillow Guy get shut down?

   I spent 15 minutes changing my oil and then 20 minutes strutting around my garage thinking, "Sheeeeyah. I know what I'm doing."