Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Next time the bank calls me to tell me I’m overdrawn, I’m gonna tell them “We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it”.

   There is no such thing as men's clogs.

   Have you ever gotten half way through eating a horse and thought .. Hmm maybe I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was ?

   Folks crying about $4 a gallon gas while in line for $6 coffee.

   Million Dollar Idea: Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets that may cause drowsiness.

   A new Lego store opened in my town. People were really excited about it. They were lined up for blocks.

   Don't ask me how to change your clock. My Betamax has been blinking midnight since 1983.

   "Taco Bell is still open. I just ate lunch there." - Vladimir B. Putin

   I'm so sick of hearing about how high gas prices are, think of something else to cry & make a meme of.

   My car was on E I put $20 in it now it's on E+

   I went into business with my parents and siblings. Our tagine is "Dysfunctional Family Owned and Operated."

   Teachers: Want to motivate your students? When you give them back a failed test, staple a Burger King application to it.

   I'm gone to tell my little brother, that he should also pay a visit this weblog on regular basis to take updated from most recent gossip.|

   A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands...

   You know it’s time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley.

   I'll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way??

   Stupid kid fell in the well again. -if Lassie had been a cat

   Reality is a hallucination caused by a lack of alcohol.

   I'm like a mosquito in a nudist camp; I know what to do, but I don’t know where to start

   Things that interrupt sex: 20s: drunk roommate walks in on you 30s: kids walk in on you 40s: spouse walks in on you 50s: foot cramp