KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I always bring some wire cutters to parties, just in case someone else brings a guitar.

   It is amazing how much effort I put into my laziness.

   Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "did you give up on life?"

   People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.

   We all have problems; mine are just more important than yours.

   Fellas: Don't build a new ship out of old wood. Upgrading your woman with plastic surgery doesn't change the fact that her genes are ugly.

   Crack the whip on yourself but be lenient with others. Unless they're into that sort of thing.

   We all suffer from a stroke at some point in our lives. Whether it be a stroke of bad luck, a blood clot, or a dry handjob.

   The less power a man has, the more he likes to use it. That's why bouncers are d!cks.

   Don't feel bad Westerners, somewhere there is a Chinese kid in an American restaurant struggling with a knife & fork.

   Don't let your ego write a check your character can't cash.

   If you're always honest you will never feel stupid.

   You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.

   I'm sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.

   If you insist on acting like an idiot then I must insist on treating you like one.

   Always remember: Sometimes you can make people UNHAPPY with your HAPPINESS.

   Your story doesn't add up, so feel free to stop lying.

   Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.

   If money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it in churches?

   The 'unlike' button is the closest we are ever gonna get to a 'dislike' button.