Funny Status Messages

   Cats have 32 muscles in each ear to help them ignore you.

   Her: Say something hot. Him: Burn in hell.

   When a dog wags it’s tail, it’s happy. When a cat wags it’s tail, step back.

   The Girl Scouts are just a cookie company that gets away with child labor.

   Dang Gurl, are you an appendix? Because this feeling in my gut makes me want to take you out.

   Tact ~ The ability to tell someone to go to hell and they look forward to it.

   Your guitar is out of tuna. ~ Cat

   Planning an exotic vacation with $12.50 in the bank.

   You know how food is supposed to taste good? Let’s make it not like that. ~ The British

   Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly.

   Tell us more about your welp...

   Summer, Spring, Winter and Welp

   If you've ever used the word welp, there's no need for the rainbow flag.

   My pronoun is, Welp

   Welp, James Welp

   Had a welp once, saw a doctor and got rid of it.

   Welp…??? really? Okay got it, you enjoy a good spanking.

   White Claw tastes like a canned fart.

   It’s 4/19 - don’t forget to put milk and cookies out for Willie Nelson tonight.

   Life is soup, I am fork.