Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 240 of 6371
My adopted highway called the Department of Transportation to find his real father.
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06-21-2021 08:36
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They should make a Morning After pill for people who eat an entire large pizza the night before.
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06-20-2021 08:39
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Between Gaay Pride and Juneteenth, I say we eliminate this month altogether.
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06-20-2021 07:27
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Every time my woman sends me to the grocery store to pick up a cucumber, I always buy a jar of Vaseline, so people don't think I'm a vegan .
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06-19-2021 19:05
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This can't be the same 92° I used to run around outside in as a kid.
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06-19-2021 13:36
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Amazon, quit fluctuating your prices all the time. sincerely- your customer!
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06-18-2021 21:58 by Matt
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Happy Father's Day to all ads.... Except to those who can't drive a manual. Happy Mother's Day!
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06-18-2021 14:27
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I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole in my air guitar
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06-18-2021 10:00
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I wish I had the confidence of someone who puts the ziplock bag of food back in the fridge without distinctly hearing the clicks of the zipper
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06-18-2021 08:39
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Democracy is when 2 wolves and a sheep meet to decide who is for dinner. Liberty is when the sheep has a gun.
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06-18-2021 07:46
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Tip of the Day: Get your Drivers License picture taken when you're drunk, that way when you get pulled over and you're actually drunk, the cop will look at your picture and think you look normal.
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06-18-2021 07:40
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A School held a contest for 6th grade kids. the theme of the contest was, 'The Nicest Thing My Father Did For Me'.... The Winning kid said, "not wearing a condom...
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06-18-2021 07:39
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Enough with the filters already – I just had to zoom in to see if you had a nose.
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06-18-2021 07:26
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I bought one of those bodybuilding spray tan machines so I look like mahogany furniture year round
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06-18-2021 07:24
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Stop with the filters already – I just had to zoom in to see if you had a nose.
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06-17-2021 11:37
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The real power of a man… Is the size of the smile on his woman’s face sitting next to him.
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06-17-2021 07:59
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Question, If I sued someone for making me deaf, would a court grant me my hearing?
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06-17-2021 07:52
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Since we cancelled COPS, & LivePD can we also cancel The View?
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06-17-2021 07:50
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I’m what the New York Times once referred to as “an acquired taste…like bleach.”
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06-16-2021 08:05
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Life pro tip #366: Never make a midnight snack in the dark. A peanut butter and salsa sandwich taste exactly how it sounds...
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06-15-2021 23:24
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