andrew jackson Funny Status Messages

   To any babies out there, I'm impressed that you can read this.

   I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.

   I ain't sayin she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke white guy who's afraid to finish the rest of this lyric.

   I know you think saying you need everything "ASAP" makes you seem important, but really it makes you seem like you can't plan.

   And with the official start of baseball season today, the Chicago Cubs have already been eliminated from the playoffs.

   I got kicked out of the supermarket for comparing apples and oranges. Manager said "you can't do that cause it would be like co..forget it."

   Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That's not lazy, that's proactive.

   Alanis Morissette sang about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. Question: why do you have 10,000 spoons?

   If I were a sheriff in the old west, I'd make some "WANTED" posters that said "NOT INTERESTED" so insecure outlaws would just come to me.

   I went to jail as a teenager and I cried the whole time. Haven’t played Monopoly since.

   Remember, if you're in public and have the winter vomiting bug, be polite and vomit into your elbow.