KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   So Android has "Iris"....Siri's ugly stepsister.

   It doesn't matter how many times I find myself, coz there'll always be someone telling me to get lost.

   What if random erections are actually ninja handjobs?

   Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

   Dude, she called you short! "Oh Hell No! Lift me up!"

   You gotta hump a few clunkers before you can fondle a ferrari.

   Why don't witches wear panties? So they can get a better grip on the broom.

   Screw a designated driver. I need a designated liver.

   Whoever '' Shawty'' is , she apparently has alot of rapper boyfriends.

   I need new haters. The old ones are starting to like me.

   I never drink coffee at work mainly because it keeps me awake and alert.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it's a Booty Call!

   I'm too sexy for my ex.

   If you're not into casual sex, I can put on a bow tie and we'll call it formal sex.

   It would be impossible to throw Jesus a surprise birthday party.

   I think a tampon makes a better vampire than the twilight guy.

   Always be true to yourself. But feel free to lie to everyone else as needed.

   Facebook seriously needs to start asking some people, “Are you SURE you want to post that stupidity?" before it allows them to update their status.

   Nothing screams, 'Pedophile' like having curtains on your van windows.

   Right now you make about as much sense as an Alzheimer's patient applying for a job as a history teacher.