life Funny Status Messages

   Life's too short to wonder why I have no pants on while hugging you. Don't make this awkward.

   The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.

   ..School has started. I got my life back. What evey mother is thinking.

   One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

   Tump haters are haters of all true Americans. Elitist, cosmopolitan, pompous jerks. Get a job and get a life.

   Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go

   OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.

   Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've gone Commando a few times in your life.

   Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And the last day of your life so far.

   An American cop fearing for his/her life has a right to take yours even if that fear is unfounded.

   Go Fund Me accounts are for kids with a life threatening illnesses, not adults who are too ignorant to plan for their future...

   Imagine: Naked in a room full of people who speak a different language & everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog. 🐕

   Not sure I'm going to heaven. At this point in my life, the best I can hope for is the low humidity section of hell.

   If life had a reset button. Mine would probably be worn off due to over pressing it.

   Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!

   Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.

   When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think "What would my grandfather do?" Then I leave home in my underwear and shout at random strangers.

   Much as I like Guardians of the Galaxy, in real life, I don't think it's a good idea to give a gun to a raccoon.

   I've never had an out-of-body experience. But I've had an out-of-experience body most of my life.

   If it weren't for marriage, many of us would go through life thinking we had no faults at all