Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 238 of 6371
will never understand why soccer players celebrate a goal by running around more. you did good! take a lil’ break
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07-07-2021 09:53
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I’d rather see a woman who smoked a joint represent the USA in the Olympics than one who turns her back on the flag. I said what I said.
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07-07-2021 07:43
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All of the mosquitos in my yard just received the Moderna vaccine.
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07-07-2021 02:20
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If women had boobs on their back they would be more fun to dance with.
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07-04-2021 11:17
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“It will be celebrated with pomp and parade, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other.” ~ John Adams
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07-04-2021 06:39
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I found a 129.00 Kylie Minogue concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it. You never know when you might need a nail.
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07-04-2021 00:19 by DJJackson
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The best way to surprise your partner in bed is by dying in your sleep.
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07-03-2021 05:49
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My Pride flag is up all year around, it's red, white, and blue. Merica' 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
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07-02-2021 18:52 by Matt
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I brushed my teeth without watching in the mirror and now my eyebrows are clean.
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07-02-2021 11:08
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The way they're sending civilians into space nowadays is one small step for man one impossible leap for anyone who doesn't have a million dollars who'd like to go.
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07-02-2021 08:41 by Moon
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‘Shake It Off’ is probably my favorite urinal sing-along song.
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07-02-2021 08:31
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When I order something online and there's a "Delivery Notes" box I put "Cross moat, Slay dragon, Leave item on back porch."
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07-02-2021 06:16
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You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
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07-02-2021 06:10
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Whenever I leave a restaurant, I always stop by a random table and say, “Thank you for taking care of our check.”
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07-01-2021 14:40
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Don't expect me to stop if you break down on the road. I'm sure that you were warned about your car's warranty expiring.
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07-01-2021 14:28
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Cosby gets out of prison and onto a bus. Next to a long rock wall he finds a letter. He goes to Mexico where he finds Epstein working on a boat.
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07-01-2021 08:02
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Them: Did you adopt your cat? Me: No, it’s my biological cat.
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07-01-2021 05:43
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William Shatner has discontinued his new line of ladies lingerie. Apparently "Shatner Panties" wasn't the best choice for a name.
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06-29-2021 17:13
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Blood is red, ultraviolet lights are blue, I’ve seen enough murder shows, they will never find you.
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06-29-2021 05:08
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Assert dominance at your friend’s house by taking a massive dump.
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06-29-2021 02:39
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