Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know how food is supposed to taste good? Let’s make it not like that. ~ The British

   Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly.

   Tell us more about your welp...

   Summer, Spring, Winter and Welp

   If you've ever used the word welp, there's no need for the rainbow flag.

   My pronoun is, Welp

   Welp, James Welp

   Had a welp once, saw a doctor and got rid of it.

   Welp…??? really? Okay got it, you enjoy a good spanking.

   White Claw tastes like a canned fart.

   It’s 4/19 - don’t forget to put milk and cookies out for Willie Nelson tonight.

   Life is soup, I am fork.

   “See you in hell.” Are you asking me on a date? I accept.

   I can’t tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.

   Starbucks bathrooms are EXCLUSIVELY for terrible diarrhea, right?

   was born a female. I identify as a female. But according to Tesco's sticky toffee pudding I'm a family of four.

   In 2009 an Olive Garden waitress told me to tell her when to stop grating cheese on my salad. As far as I know she's still doing it.

   Does putting ketchup on everything affect your credit score?

   I bet there is just a lot of awkward silence after a mime orgy.

   My business portfolio is a cigarette butt inside an empty beer bottle.