flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I spent most of my childhood terrified that the rhythm was going to get me.

   The Camouflage Snuggie: the ideal gift for the military afficionado in your life who aspires to blend in with a couch.

   I'm thinking of dropping the whole "I'm from the street/thug life" persona.

   Today's a great day to stalk someone you haven't seen since high school and say, "You wrote 'keep in touch' in my yearbook, well here I am!"

   When the artist dies, this roll of flower print Bounty is going to be worth a fortune.

   While I'm flattered Smoky thinks otherwise, I'm not the only one who can prevent forest fires.

   "Cookies n cream" ice cream is really just cookies and ice cream.

   I'm thinking of doing a butter sculpture of a stick of butter. I hope nobody has done that one yet.

   Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.

   It doesn't matter how old or gangster you are- if a toddler hands you a toy phone, you answer that

   Every time I see you my heart flutters, and time slows down. So either I'm in love or having a stroke!

   Well that's a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I'm doing

   I can't decide if insane people own multiple cats or if owning multiple cats makes people insane.

   Do not use "Whoomp! There it is!" unless it actually is there

   teens are getting drunk on Purell. But to be fair, it tastes better than Jagermeister.

   Trying to decide what I hate more: 1. Mondays or 2. People who complain about how much they hate Mondays

   I could never go to a hip hop concert. I never feel like saying either Hey or Ho when told to.

   "Local artist" is just fancy talk for "stinky guy nobody likes."

   Dude, you don't need to add 'I'm Just Sayin' to whatever you just said, since clearly you just said it. Just sayin.'

   I thought when people lie to me their pants were supposed to catch on fire. Turns out that's a lie also. Trust no one.