GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Marriage tip 101: It is very important that your wife understands Commandment Number 1 in regards to marriage: "Thou shalt not nag". As soon as she understands this, she will grow in her duties and responsibilities as a wife.

   Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!

   Santa put down the pen! I can explain everything!

   No matter how old you may be, an empty wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to use to bonk someone over the head with.

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   I wonder how was God able to find some wise men when most of us men don't even know how to stop and ask for directions when we're lost?

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?

   Due to the extreme coal shortage, Santa will be giving out Justin Bieber cds to all the bad kids this year.

   I wish Santa would just dump 100ft of coal around Biden and Nancy Pelosi's house.

   Santa, you break into people's houses and eat their cookies; don't judge me.

   The holiday season is here. Remember to set your scales back 10lbs at midnight.

   Every year, my Christmas list begins with "Dear Santa, my sisters did it. But I have been very good this year, because I'm an angel!

   I sure hope you like your Christmas gift... It's a year's supply of me!

   Dear Santa: For Christmas this year I want a fat bank account and a slim body with sexy abs, but let's not get it mixed up like you did last year.

   I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.

   Santa, you must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during deer season?

   Dear Santa! I want a fat bank account and a sexy body with rock hard abs for Christmas. Let's not get those two mixed up like you did last year.

   To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.

   Please keep your dogs and children quiet in the mornings. Some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks. Thank you!