Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Was Nelson Mandela the driver of Paul Walker's car?

   Fast food protester sign: "Us deserve's mor then minum waig."

   Cosby Show Fact: Sandra and Elvans Children were named after Winnie and Nelson Mandela. #RIP

   Just heard Mandela died in a fiery car crash...

   Just discovered: A cup of noodles consists of two noodles, a half mile long.

   My Supervisor is complaining that he's tired of eating chicken all the time, as I sit here eating a "chicken flavored" cup of noodles.

   My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.

   All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??

   Can you really make the yuletide gay, or does it have to be born that way?

   I'm so tired of women accusing us men that all we do is scratch our ballz. We do not. We scratch the bag.

   In the spirit of the season Miley Cyrus has announced her plans for a television special where she will twerk to all of Bing Crosby’s holiday classics. NOW it feels like Christmas!!!

   Trust me... You don't want my undivided attention.

   “Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, all over Mrs. Claus's face and hair..."

   Brrr, today is a good day to double-up on the underwear.

   Apparently it's frowned upon to bring beer to a search party.

   Alcohol does NOT make you fat, it makes you LEAN...against tables, chairs and walls...

   No, I don't deserve sex because I bought you dinner - but after hearing all of the reasons why you became a vegan, yes.

   Accept your defeat if your opponent is your future wife.

   Bears are just men who were abandoned by their wives and haven't shaved since then.

   When I said "I'm fine",I lied and I wanted you to detect it. - Women