life Funny Status Messages

   Me: "I'm disappointed with my life." Life: "The feeling is mutual."

   My mother taught me to never argue with strangers on the Internet. She said I must agree to meet them in real life, and then punch them in the face.

   If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.

   After my doctor's exam. He gave me a 30 day supply of some pills. And said that I'll need to take them for the rest of my life. I said that's not so bad. He said yea it is, you won't need a refill prescription.

   Me: Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name and it feels like home. Priest: I don't believe that is an actual prayer... Me: No, but it's like a prayer.

   I have a real life autocorrect, my wife. :-)

   No matter what happens in this life, I will NEVER give up on my dreams. That’s why I slept until noon today

   Atheists, spending all their negative energy and life talking about God until they become plant food. What a waste

   I'm pretty apathetic, so I'm getting a tattoo that says "Shrug Life"

   I only have 2 regrets in life. Some girls I wished I slept with and some girls I wish I hadn't!

   When life gives you a hundred reasons not to go to work today.....don't argue with it

   To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.

   Having daughters can increase life expectancy for fathers

   Trying to find a name for your child really exposes how many people you have met in your life that you now hate

   Somewhere in Michigan an 8-year-old boy farted half a beat before that meteor set off an earthquake. It was the greatest moment of his life.

   People say, if life throws you lemons, throw them back, make lemonade or squirt them in your eyes so that the problems become last of your worries. But them smart asses never said what to do if life kicks you in the balls. Yeah!, there's no recovery from

   The most terrifying moment in life is when the toilet refuses to flush at someone else's house

   Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

   Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.

   The Meaning of Life is simply to give your Life Meaning.