KISSTOPHER Funny Status Messages

   My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like "It wasn't that hard."

   In Whiskey and Women… The young ones are fine, but I prefer the older ones — well aged and full-bodied.

   Bro she just called you blind! OH HELL NO! Where is she?

   For me, the sexiest part of a woman is her mind coz that's where she decides if she's going to have sex with you or not.

   If you watched a movie of my life backwards it'd be about a guy who refills vodka bottles and puts them back on the self.

   A drunk person is just an awesome version of a sober person.

   What doesn't kill me, might make me kill you.

   The guy who invented underwear must have sounded crazy.

   I admit I am hot, but don't blame me for global warming.

   Buy one beer for the price of two and receive a second beer ABSOLUTELY FREE!

   Weird to think we're just sixteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother.

   If she gives you the "Side Hug", You're in the Friend Zone.

   If the government is gonna focus on cloning, they need to be cloning 1970 gas prices. If the government is gonna focus on cloning, they need to be cloning 1970 gas prices

   News Reporter: "So what inspired you to work with Chris Brown?" Rihanna: "Beats me..."

   TWILIGHT: Taking the 'N' out of "Vampire Fangs", since 2007!

   "It's not you, it's me." Man I hate sorting out photos with my twin brother.

   Maybe it's the beer talking but I really love beer.

   My dramatic exit was ruined when I forgot my phone.

   Cashier: Sir, this is the 5th movie ticket you have bought tonight. Customer: Well yeah, the a$$hole at the entrance keeps ripping it.

   If video games make you violent, does monopoly make you a millionaire?