Jake Funny Status Messages

   Watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes. And thougt how easily their entertained. Then realized, I just watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes.

   digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.

   It's going to be a Good Friday.

   Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won, though.

   (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)

   such an unthoughtful farmer that he wants to smash his neighbor's White Mystery Eggs and slaughter their Baby Calf if he can't get them off his News Feed.

   annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.

   committed to TWAT. (The War Against Terrorism)

   's Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.

   "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost

   thinks throwback week is almost as much fun as post your bra color week.

   when the river runs red, take the dirt road...

   should not be mistaken for Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, just because there appears to be a large package in his pants.

   Buddy the Elf. What's your favorite color?

   There are 2 types of people on Facebook: those who have a way with words, and the others, who, don't... not... have... way.

   Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.

   says "If Heat Rises, Surely Heaven is Hotter Than Hell"

   such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster

   don't drink and drive, you could spill the beer in your car.