life Funny Status Messages

   Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.

   Listen here, Life isn't measured by how many likes we get, but rather the moments that take our likes away

   Sometimes I sit down and wonder what kind of life i’d be living if my parents were really rich.

   I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.

   sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that

   You're not satisfied with your life? Complain about it on Facebook, God must be subscribed to your updates

   remember the time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate?

   Single men: To keep on enjoying your carefree life, never utter the words "I DO"

   I really loved that Stormy Daniels interview on 60 minutes. Best 60 minute of my life!

   A sheep spends it's entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.

   Switching off my mother inlaw's life support machine was very difficult. I had to fight off a doctor, a nurse and two security guards. Beeeeeeeep

   My love life is terrible. The last woman I was inside of was the statue of liberty.

   My son found a cassette tape in the basement. It's like watching 2001 Space Odyssey in real life.

   A man who is not married tends to go through life enjoying his life.

   I'm at the point of my life where if aliens come, they wont need to abduct me, I'll gladly go with them

   No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.

   Today I am contemplating how much longer I would live if someone shouted "Run for your life!"

   My life is stitched together with vices.

   Most of my life goals don’t even include me in them.

   Ironically, the people you meet by accident are often the ones who become an important part of your life