Funny Status Messages

   Tinder is for rookies. Go to Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. This will show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

   The Feds have been stockpiling baby formula at the southern border for months. More proof who gets priority and who does not.

   “The real president is whoever controls the teleprompter.” ~ Elon Musk

   There once was a couple Depp and Heard, in who’s bed they discovered a turd. They beat each other up, without a prenup, and did drugs that they preferred.

   A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

   There once was a chap named Joe Biden, some think he’s as old as Poseidon. His panicking staff, locked the lord of the gaffe, in a basement where he is still hidin’.

   Then the son asked his dad, “I’m still confused. Was I born in a nest or a hive?”

   I’ve spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house, but they still get in.

   Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

   Please stop asking the universe to send you the most amazing and beautiful person in the world. I cannot be everywhere all at once.

   There should only be one color! God made a mistake.

   "The woke mob' aka acknowledging that people different then you exist

   Johnny Depp is the one guy that could've used an amber alert.

   Being forced to watch the Feds spend billions of your tax dollars on a corrupt foreign war while struggling with record high inflation.

   Let me get this straight, we can send 40 billion to eastern Europe, but Elon Musk buying Twitter for 40 billion could have solved world hunger?

   You knew it was coming: Marvel has fallen to the Woke Mob, introduces trans superheroes.

   The left is like, I paid $7.00 for gal. gas, $8.00 for gal. milk, rent is twice my monthly income, there’s shortages of everything, crime is surging, the world’s on the brink of chaos, but I’m happy because Trump isn’t in office.

   Justice Thomas to the Media: “I will absolutely leave the Court when I do my job as poorly as you do yours.”

   If a woman says, “my nipples are pierced,” the correct response is, I don’t believe you.

   Life is too short to die a coward.