Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I feel like people would take clinical depression more seriously if we started calling it Frown Syndrome.

   "Okay, then why'd I just do that?" - Me, after punching someone who just said "Everything happens for a reason."

   I refuse to believe that everybody was kung fu fighting. I'm sorry, but there had to be at least a couple people sitting that one out.

   Trying to be less negative but it'll never work.

   You know what makes me mad? The fact that I know who Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are.

   Congress has an approval rating of 13% you should know Naked cannibals on Bath Salts are at 18%.

   I wonder if Fabio finally believes its not butter?

   FACT: If you keep a crossbow in your home, you're 70% likelier to be shot and/or laughed at by an intruder with a gun.

   Thanks to all the legal and medical dramas I've watched, I'm pretty sure I'm capable of winning court cases and saving lives.

   I forget how ridiculous I look while air drumming until I see the pictures that come with my red light ticket.

   I scrolled too far back on my timeline and I ended up on myspace

   Adam never let Eve boss him around. He wore the plants in the relationship.

   I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

   The Transit of Venus was by far the best small black dot moving boringly across a large yellow circle I've ever witnessed.

   I hate when I'm at someone's house & they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" "How did you get in?" And "Is that a gun?

   WHENEVER YOU GET BORED , SEND THIS TEXT TO A RANDOM NUMBER....." I KILLED HIM , NOW WHAT ? "

   Dance like no one is watching or just stop dancing in public you weirdo.

   I almost felt strongly about something today but then I saw a duck

   Even as we speak, the Fine Young Cannibals try to find a way to revive their careers in light of recent news stories on cannibalism.

   Shot some fish in a barrel today. More difficult than you'd think.