luka Funny Status Messages

   My friend just accused me of cheating in poker, I think he is just mad I won with 6 king

   they say you should never tell a joke about blind people, oh yeah? watch me

   My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?

   So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

   People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

   I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”

   my girlfriend thinks I am in capable of being faithful my wife on the other hand.

   my girlfriend thinks I am afraid of commitment my wife on the other hand...

   no one could ever hate me half as much as I dont care

   Friends are a lot like trees they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe

   What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

   Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?

   How come we pay guys millions a year to toss a ball around, then when our teachers ask for a raise, we say they already make enough

   Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I've gotta go find my clothes.

   It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician

   Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.

   Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.

   The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn't even apply for the job.

   Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he's making noises with his gum

   If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.