jerry carter Funny Status Messages

   So the electric motor on our ceiling fan went out. We had a old blender that was about to be a yard sale item so I modified it and rigged it on the ceiling fan. Now I have off, high, tornado, and hurricane. And oddly, a self cleaning house now.....

   Oh well, a friend just tried to send ricin via email!!!! He never was the brightest color in the crayon box!!

   Well it appears coming soon to a store near you...The Morning After Pill. Marketed in fun filled colors and your favorite cartoon characters. You can choose from flintstone, gummy bear, buggs bunny, or any of your favorite Disney characters...

   You know it's getting bad when you are shopping at wal mart and some little wise eyed kid runs up in front of you and starts yelling stranger danger at the top of her lungs. I was just lucky the lady working in lingerie knew I was there and was helping me

   Dopers all over the United States morn as Hostess announces it is shutting down operations. No more sno-balls, Twinkies, King Dons, and other comfort foods. On a brighter note, stock in Cheetoes has gone thru the roof!!!!!

   Any kids dressed as Obama, who have worked real hard and have a bunch of candy, will be required to give it to me, cause I had rather have took a nap instead of collecting my own candy. Thank you!

   Zombies are dropping dead all over Washington, and other state capitals. Reports by foxnews say they are starving to death, due to no significant brain tissue in these areas!!!

   Does this mean Obama can blame Bush for the health care reform tax....After all it was Bush's appointment that was the swing vote.

   It is so hot, and I have typed so much, I am having to dunk my fingers in gatorade to keep them from cramping!

   It's so hot outside, Our hummingbirds are demanding red gatorade!

   If you lost $10,000.00 dollars, all hundreds, held together in a roll with a rubber band, give me a call. I found your rubber band. You just need to identify it.

   Time to buy groceries. More food in a crack house than around here!

   I think The Timeline went a bit too far when it posted a photo of me being conceived!!!!!

   I asked the attendant for 5 bucks worth of gas, so he farted and gave me a receipt!!

   Heading to the pawn shop. We have an extra 5 gallons of gas and gonna make some money!

   We thought a 747 was landing in the hall last night. After checking everything out it was just a central air unit flying south for the summer!

   I just checked. There are no restraining orders against you. There's no reason you can't attend church!!!!

   Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.

   Bad reaction to medication. I will never buy my meds from the trunk of a Buick again!

   If you want to know anything, come over to my house...my wife apparently knows everything.