ef Funny Status Messages

   The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...

   The Mega Millions jackpot is now up to $586 million. The odds of winning are 1 in 259 million. Those are the same odds of Tony Romo throwing a pass to his own teammate in the fourth quarter.

   Life is all about deciding how much crazy you can live with.

   Hopefully Kim Jong Un will mistake Dennis Rodman for his other uncle

   Every family has a relative that they would prefer to keep hidden during the Holidays. If you think your family doesn't have one...Trust me it is YOU!

   Whenever I hear the Christmas song about "nuts roasting on an open fire" I cringed. My wife plays that song over and over when she's mad at me..... even if it's in July

   It would be so much more ''festive" if UPS and FEDEX guys dressed as Santa while delivering packages during the holiday season

   Monopoly has come out with a new version of its board game to commemorate President Obama.....all the properties have half their value and the money has been replaced with foodstamps

   Kanye West?......I've never heard of her!

   Snow in Egypt! In the dessert! Global warming strikes again!....Al Gore refuses comment

   Oh com'on Kim Jong everyone has a ''funny uncle'' in the family....don't you think the firing squad was a little harsh???

   I wrap all my Christmas gifts in bubble wrap.....it's like giving two gifts in one!

   I just saw 3 Angels walk down a runway wearing thongs...oh sorry it's just The VIctoria Secret Fashion Show

   Kanye West "Kim fought for her position in society".....Wait Kanye, didn't she obtain her fame because of a video, in the bent over "position?"

   You ever think that just possibly these milk, bread and toilet paper companies are behind these overestimated, hysteria causing weather reports????

   Antarctica wind chill today -135 below. Al Gore refuses to comment

   Kanye West compared being a rapper to BEING AT WAR ."This is like being a police officer or something or like war or something." "You're literally going out to do your job every day knowing that something could happen to you.".No Kanye being an idiot is!

   I think I'll go shovel the "Global Warming" out of the driveway!

   Most meteorologists are men. That's why when they say you're going to get 8-12 inches of snow, you really only end up getting 4-6 inches.

   I'm pretty sure today is one of my family members birthday..... I should probably "unblock" them and check.