doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   The new twenty dollar bill will feature a clever line drawing of Harriet Tubman using the men's room.

   Nothing better than imagining "Tubman's" raining down on strippers cheeks.

   My "Stop Being Poor" shirt almost ended up in the Goodwill pile.

   Jiggling fat is a little more fun when you imagine a dubstep noise coming out of it.

   I may be my own worst enemy but there is a hell of a lot of competition out there vying to unseat me.

   I know they didn't ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.

   If you've spent more than ten seconds fondling and sniffing a fruit or vegetable you need to buy it otherwise it's disrespectful

   it too late to say hakuna matata to that lion?

   If by handyman you mean someone with a nice collection of wrenches that came with unassembled furniture then yes, I'm a handyman...

   The Grapes of Wrath is my favorite book title talking about a Woman drinking wine and angrily planning on burning your house to the ground.

   I'm "All the kids were free-range kids" years old.

   Im acraid that I nade a maitake turning off autocorrd t

   You should be with your best friend. If you can't send them hilarious pictures of your poop, it's just not going to work out.

   Does anyone know how to change the difficulty setting on getting the sex?

   If you dont understand big words, I can euthanize with you.

   What if...lollipops moaned every time we licked them

   Dr. King's dream of murdering Asian and Latino cops is really coming to fruition.

   The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out

   BREAKING: Kazakhstan threatens retaliation over release of BORAT.

   I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.