bryan j brown Funny Status Messages

   Back in my day Werewolves didn't fall in love with babies...THEY ATE THEM!!

   Just remember nobody's perfect...Cuz i'm sure even Mother Teresa blamed her fart on a kid or two...

   Does anybody know if their is a place hiring someone too stand there and look pretty cuz I have a PhD in that sh*t...

   You can learn a lot about a woman from the top dresser drawer beside her bed....

   If you gotta ask her "Does this feel good??" you aint doin it right....

   Just found a $5 bill in some old pants from middle school...Do you know how many rectangle pizzas with the cube pepperoni I could have bought with that?? Or better yet some mutha-f^ckin Chicken Rings...

   How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel??

   Dating Rule #7: When on a first date a gentleman always lets his lady have the Burger King crown...Cuz it will make her feel special....

   Women need that perfect combination of "Yes Dear" and "Hush Yo Mouth Woman"..

   Well maybe if you didn't have dem ( . )( . ) poppin out your turtleneck we wouldn't have this Eye-Contact problem....

   Sex isn't everything...Unless your not having any...

   Men lie about how many women they have been with because they CAN'T remember the exact number...Women lie about how many men they have been with because they CAN remember the exact number....

   it crazy that when I go to stores and have to sign my name for stuff I sign "Daffy Duck"...I mean I guess its not a problem unless Daffy Duck steals my identity right??

   Man Law #236: Unless you last name is "Van Damme" grown a$$ men don't do the splits...

   Look just cuz I wont go by you tampons doesn't mean I don't love you...Hell didn't I buy you like 3 rolls of Bounty...That's called a Compromise...

   Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??

   Kinda sad that future generations wont get the joy of watching scrabbled porn..."Is that a boobie or an elbow??...Hmm I dont know but it's gonna have too do"...

   ‎"When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connnected in the great Circle of Life..." You know now that I'm older this circle of life doesn't really seem that balanced... Especially if your the antelope

   Dont let the ladies fool you cuz deep down they know they need us men...If not for the orgygasims then at least for are ability too kill spiders and open jars...

   You know your in the south when you can get your fried chicken and gas at the same store...